The Coffee Enema Love Affair

It may seem strange when  a girl clutches her enema bag to her heart as if  it were a long lost friend before gingerly packing it in her suitcase. She would never think of leaving town without it. She rarely lets a day pass without doing a coffee enema.

 I wasn't intending on a long term relationship, it just sort of happened when I was least expecting. We met after my last birth. For some reason, my last pregnancy dealt my body a serious blow. I don't know if the hormones suddenly exploded inside of me and then talked to my whole body, and my brain, instructing it to do the opposite of what it had done my whole life,  but I felt toxic.

My nose ran for three months straight, my skin was broken out, my brain was foggy, and I looked like a poster child for the woman's midlife crisis clinic.

My body was saying "help me". And the intuition I had was that my liver was full. It was probably all of the lemon meringue pie, bean and cheese tacos, and heavy chocolate load I gobbled down the last five pregnancies. Or maybe it was hormone overload, whatever -I felt like a sick person. Boo. Hiss.

At first I looked at cleanses, and even ordered a super duper special liver "detox" powder that was black, gray, and had chunks. You were supposed to stir this in a glass of water??? I don't know what kind of water the person writing the instructions was talking about, maybe they meant whiskey and did not divulge the real plan, but at my house, the black tar clump didn't blend into a glass of water. So I ended up gagging it down in applesauce for five days straight. Each day of gagging motivated me towards something else-even the thought of sticking a tube up my butt was becoming more attractive than this.

At precisely the moment of applesauce gagging, I was reading; Dr. Max Gerson, Healing the Hopeless, by Howard Strauss (Max's grandson who graduated from MIT and then honored his grandfather with this amazing Biography).  I had heard of the Gerson Therapy, but I always like to know the  person behind the therapy.  The book is long-377 pages, but I treasured each and every word. Howard frames his grandfathers legacy and it takes my breath away. Dr. Gerson and his family escaped the ovens of Germany, only to come to America and endure the ovens of the American Medical Association, and yet he never quit fighting against cancer with truth, honor, loyalty, and was a pioneer of his time.

When I came to the part of his medical plan that includes using coffee enemas to help "clear the liver", I could not contain my excitement-it was fate. I ran to the freezer and got the Neiman Marcus blend of Christmas coffee which had resided in the freezer for upwards of two years. It was not organic (a must)-but it was the only coffee in the house and I was a desperate soupy nose blowing woman who needed de-fogging. I brewed it up, and sent it to a place where no coffee had been before.

Within twenty seconds, my runny close cleared, then my foggy brain cleared, and within a couple of days, my skin cleared.  It was an innocent yet desperate inauguration of our relationship, and that was three years ago.  I did a coffee enema every few days for a couple of months, then I felt so good, I forgot about it for a few months, then took it up again. There were so many questions that I had. The instructions were to let it "boil in a saucepan" at least 15 minutes, then strain it, then put it in the enema bag-a somewhat cumbersome method to get every bit of the goodness out of the beans.

Ugh. Dr. Gerson's recipe is taking too much time. Forget about it. One day I have a eureka moment-"Just brew the coffee in a coffee pot-it's better than not doing it at all".  All of the hard work of making the coffee a special way goes away and I am left with an easy plan.

I can multi-task. I can make the coffee at night, stick it in my rear while I shower the next morning. I then lay on my side for the appointed 10-12 minutes while I am reading a memoir, and then let it out.  Its' actually a very meditative time for me. I am forced to lie down for 12 minutes while awake-

Just this past week I added something to the coffee. It is a mix of epsom salt, baking soda, and lavender oil-like a bath salt. Just a teaspoon added to the coffee makes a huge difference. My liver seems to clear out more than normal, it's easier to retain, and is more comfortable than straight coffee, or coffee with cold water added to make the temp. around 98 degrees.

I have naysayer friends. Friends that point out the "unnaturalness" of it. Seeming so true, I could not rebut this for two years, and I was putting the groceries in the car a few weeks ago when the answer fluttered around my head, then landed.  In 1952, the government began to genetically modify wheat. 1952 was just the beginning, and then we modified it more and more, and still more.

Any product that we consume which contains flour (and most of us eat something with flour for breakfast, lunch, AND dinner) is made of this stuff. It's not a real food anymore. It is a scientific experiment we call flour. We don't always eat what's natural, and therefore, something that does not "seem" natural", but will cleanse both the liver and gallbladder, may in fact be an important key to health.

And so, all of the uncertainties and insecurities surrounding me and my bag fall away, and I am a girl in love...again. My brain clears every time I do this, and its' the cheapest high I can get. I have a friend who called saying she would have to "have her gallbladder out." I promptly sent her an article on the cleansing effects of the coffee enema on the gallbladder...."She'd rather have surgery" was the reply.

I don't blame my friend. Its' the "exit only" sign we cling to our bottoms-we'd rather have surgery than do this...unless we look like death warmed over and are yelling at our kids like some strange maniac demon possessed being that is supposed to be called "mom", hating ourselves for what we've become and realizing that we have two choices-take drugs, or order the silicone bag for $40 off of Amazon.

I'm way too cheap to buy drugs, so I opt for the bag and some organic grounds from Costco.

Wonderbag

I'm not sure if I have blogged about the Wonderbag before, but people ask what it is when I have it out, so I think it bears blogging.

Amazon y'all is my favorite place to shop. Anyone who knows me knows the first Amazon drone will have my name etched across the side of it. Two times in the last ten years or so, Amazon has had this Wonderbag on their home page-I think it's their idea of highlighting a charity, and I totally went for it.

The Wonderbag is made in Africa by African women and it is basically...a crockpot. The bag is huge-be thinking of where you will store it, or you can use it as a pillow on the couch if you pick the perfect fabric.

Today, I am making two gallons of yogurt in the my WB. I struggled for years to make yogurt since we buy raw milk from the farmer, and raw yogurt is something we would eat.

Maybe everyone else thinks making yogurt is super easy, but I had so many failures and re-Bayed so many yogurt makers, it's kind of sad. Therefore, this $52 handy bag is worth every penny. I simply take the half gallon jar and put a dollop of yogurt in the bottom, then I heat the jar(s) of milk to 110 or 115 degrees. Then, I put the jars in my WB, and by dinnertime I will have two gallons of yogurt.

My other complete failure-so many women seem to love it-is the crockpot. The toughest meat ever served at my dinner table came from the crockpot. The directions will say 6 hours when one hour would have sufficed. My better "way" and a seemingly slower way is to heat up the same dish for twenty or thirty minutes in a covered pot, then place it in the WB for  the rest of the day. No timer. No tough bird. Happy family.

When you, the new owner of your wonderbag, purchase your bag, one goes to a family in Africa. (It is like the concept of Tom's Shoes-a pair for you, a pair for a child in need) This saves a tremendous amount of energy for the women in Africa, as they do the same thing that I will do this morning with their WB. They heat up the future dinner in a covered pot, place it in the bag, and go to work.

Finally, I will also take it in the car with me if I need insulation-either hot or cold-for groceries, picking up milk from the farmer, or if I am taking a huge pot of beans or chili to a party-it keeps the goods at the perfect temperature as long as necessary.

www.WonderBagWorld.com

Never Ending Painting Project

Yes, I know the room is cool. I am totally in love with the change. Even the mint green, which horrified me at first, has grown on me and seems to be just the right accent color for this room.  HOWEVER-this room gets the "longest project ever" award. When the painters gave me a bid of $1600 (?%#%!$), I flat refused to even respond. It was a complete insult to my intelligence. When the second bid was $1000, I thought-it must be a sign-we are just going to paint it ourselves. I think the reason for the high bid was the fact that we were covering neon pink...but still....

This time I decided to try the paint with primer already in it, and that helped tremendously. Excited about the project, I got our first gallon from Lowes, and woke up to a blue (not gray) room. Unsurprised at Lowes paint guide,  Benjamin Moore was my first stop the next morning, knowing that a true and good gray only lives at Benjamin Moore.

Mackenzie, Megan, Bea, and I started painting like wild cats. Max painted more like a siberian husky, getting it all in his fur and rolling around on other various new furniture in the house.

I drove up to the Pottery Barn outlet three times (a 45 minute commute-one way), while the group excitedly painted. I would come home to do hard parts like ceiling in a lighter gray and dismantling hardware, only to run back up to PB Kids....but we finally made it. We got it painted. We got the new bedding put on. We got the desk set up with cute pencil holders and task lights. We went to Target and TJ Maxx. We went back to all of the places to make returns. 

I just sewed up the second curtain today, which means three trips were made to Joann Fabrics as I could not accept that mint was the actual accent color and was drawn to the more turquoise color on one of the swirls of the bedding. Taking Megan with me helped eliminate guesswork. 

Tonight, I am hand sewing around the seat cushion for the office chair as my sewing machine and I have had a horrific wrestling match for the last three hours. Thankful for the stomach bug and kids in bed so I could work, we still never came to terms and I found sewing with a needle and listening to my audiobook: Boys in the Boat more relaxing anyway, 

Reading to the kids tonight, I was lying in the newly fabulous bed and noticed the air vent in the bathroom was still taped with green tape. 

Excitement is waning by this point. I trudge up the ladder and pull off the tape, exposing a bit of pink paint from the last painters, not caring by this point, and hoping that's the last green tape still up. Texts are still flooding in for the last Disney princess bed-a full. Everyone wants a twin, but wants to discuss the full and maybe have me deliver it to their house??? Hmm. Maybe a new craigslister. Doesn't know this is convenient for me, and a great deal for you.

The weather, still clammy, provides the perfect excuse for a home project. No temptation to be anywhere but the house, scraping paint fragments off the floor, and hand sewing cushions are actually a bit comforting; reminds me of a time when my mom decided to stencil down a hallway of our Nacogdoches house.

I remembered looking up. She had handkerchief on her head and was very deliberately and carefully holding a cardboard cut for the purpose of stencil. She has always been methodical and this event was no different. Balancing on the top of a ladder, pressing the stencil against the wall, she pressed paint against the cardboard. She would only get two or three going, then need to come down and move her ladder. It was quite a hallway, and she seemed to enjoy the art. 

Something was pressed into me at the moment. It marked a memory in my mind, something good about it. I think it was the effort poured into a hallway. An otherewise, inane place for a seven year old child, just a road to get to one's room, my mother had painted something special into it. She had made beauty. This beauty stuck with me, and years later, I find myself doing the same thing. Pressing beauty into walls...making our children's nest, our abode....lovely.

South Texas Snow dribble

This is probably as thick as the snow will get here this year. A few dribbles of ice on the trampoline. But for seven year old Michael, it is the best day of his life. Miley has found a couple of wet logs stashed underneath the bushes for an end of year fire, and pulled out some items from the ski supplies that will keep him just warm enough to eat icicles, jump on a frothy trampoline, and slide down a somewhat pathetic hill in our granola bowl. Life is good.

Piles and piles of snow surrounded our Kentucky home like dunes in a desert, but the negative temperatures sharply reminded everyone in the tiny town of Kelat, we were in record-breaking snow storm that would not let up for well over a month. I think the number was 28. Twenty eight inches of snow was enough to keep us out of school for weeks after our Christmas break. It was so many weeks that the school system announced there would be no makeup days as that many makeup days were as formidable as the snowstorm itself.

Benjamin and I would sit by the radio with our fingers crossed every morning, hoping that it was yet another "snow day", and when the announcer named our county, we whooped for joy and got all our snow clothes on. We would get our metal bowls and run to the top of our sled hill, letting the wind and snow blow around us as we skidded down that embankment for hours. So many hours that Lady; our labrador; got arthritis from frozen paws and loyalty to her kids that only a good dog knows.

Looking back, there were so many details that my mom alone bore. How did we get groceries? The roads undrivable, I do not even think mail was running. She was in the house alone with my little brother Joshua, and while we careened at speeds faster than humans should go in the open air, what was she doing? Was she poring over bills or fretting about laundry? We hung it outside on the laundry line, and snow meant days of drying time. Now, as a mother, I wonder more about the things that I was blissfully spared as a child. I wonder too about the people in northern states right now, sitting in the same snow I was in as a child. I always remembered hearing of people dying during those storms and wondered how. Looking back, I am a bit surprised we fared as well as we did.

So. I am weary with winter, yes, but so grateful to be this far south as winter dredges on and even the children are wondering when it will be over.

The Pink Room

The girl's room was pink forever. Eight years may not seem like forever, unless you are ten years old, and all you have known is hot pink. It was garish. Visitors like it enough. The bright pink would glow all the way down the hallway, warning you of its' presence, allowing you a warmup sensation before you actually entered the room.  The girls and I were having bad hair days because of the pink, it followed us, a sort of inferno burning bright that crept underneath our skin. We had to change.

Then, there were the disney princess beds. They were configured as bunk beds-ugghh. Then, they got separated. The whole tiny room seemed like bed. What to do? I can't bear another bunk bed. We have decided to trundle Miley. She's five. She'll love it. The tiny room needs space, needs to breathe. Hello Craigslist, I love you and love others through you.

Three trips up to Pottery Barn Outlet, and I've got all I need. Three trips to Benjamin Moore paint, and lots of self doubting, but we made it. In one week the room transforms from garish pink princess to soft gray. My eyes relax. The sea foam green is not my favorite, but the girls want it.

I'm tickled pink. It turned out great.

Rachel's Chocolate Chip Cookie Recipe

Chocolate Chip Cookies are one of my complete weaknesses. I can take or leave cake, pie, donuts, and most goo balls people bring to parties, but a quality chocolate chip cookie is the darling of the sugar universe in my mind.  Placing a royal crown on the chocolate chip cookie, means it needs to be one of the five things that I bake REALLY FAST and REALLY WELL.  I wish I could wave a magic "cookie wand" and just hand this recipe out to everyone, but no, you have to know "how" to make these, and once you know "how", you are ready for cookie EUPHORIA.

A little History
Now, before I go into the "how", I have to explain a little bit of the history behind coconut oil in my baking. Over ten years ago, I read The Miracle of Coconut Oil, and completely bought into how great coconut oil was for you, however, cooking with it was OUT OF THE QUESTION.  (can anyone say ALOHA chicken?)

And have you tried to take a spoonful of coconut oil?? Takes me straight back to the bulimia days-no thank you. Super gag. The only place I felt coconut oil may fit into our lives was in my baking ( I literally tried to exist on 7 baking recipes our first 12 years of marriage, not a big baker). And that's where it got placed. My mind will take some "healthy factoid", and then try to fit it into our busy and tasty lifestyle. Some things get tossed. Others fit later in life. Coconut oil was one that took up immediate residency in my limited baking repertoire. (Coconut oil is normally solid at room temperature, so I keep it above my refrigerator.)

 A Little History Part 2

Part 2 of a Little History is my spelt flour fixation. The first couple of years we were married, Mark was having running nose and itchy eyes at night. He swore I was putting on perfume at night, and I swore I was not that kind of girl. I got my hands on Eat Right for Your Type, and discovered that type O blood is very sensitive to wheat. We switched to spelt flour for a try, and his allergy symptoms disappeared. WOW, that was easy…..until we had FIVE kids, and suddenly those little bags of Bobs Spelt  for $5 a bag weren't helping me. I needed bulk spelt flour and was not sure where to get it. (I only needed serious bulk when we decided we weren't an "Ezekiel Bread" kind of family any more, and Mark wanted me to start baking bread-ouch).

 Come to find out, a grain grinder pays for itself in a few months of grinding, and then you start to really get that flour down to cheap cheap cheap. AzureStandard.com is a co-op that probably delivers within five miles of your house if you are within the USA, and that's when freshly ground flour became easy for our family. Having said ALL THAT, just use whatever flour you use. The flour probably does not change the flavor that much.

 So, when my recipe says "freshly ground spelt"….you know the whole enchilada.

FINALLY…the recipe

Rachel's Cookies
1/4 c. butter
1/4 c. molasses
1/2 c. melted organic coconut oil
2 eggs
1.5 cups sugar
1 tsp. baking soda
1 tsp. salt
1 TBSP. vanilla

Put in the first two ingredients and begin whipping all of these ingredients on high. They should change from a dark color to a light caramel color as you literally whip on high for 3 minutes.

Fold in
4 cups freshly ground spelt flour
1 cup nuts (any kind)
1 cup semi-sweet high quality chocolate chips

Bake in a convection oven: 300 degrees for 10 minutes
I use a small ice cream scooper to scoop these onto the tray so that they are more uniform. If they are "thick", close to the end of baking, I squash them down flat with my spatula.

ENJOY!!

Birds and Feeders -My Take

"Best-1" Hummingbird Feeder

A couple of Finches on my new Aspect Goldfinch Feeder

I get so totally obsessive with the bird feeders, that I wear myself out by the end of the summer. Last summer, I took a sabbatical from my feeders altogether. But after our visit to Israel, that longing for amazing flora, fauna, AND birds came back…so I'm at it again. Thankfully, I have a couple of years under my belt with feeders, and we have a great feed store that has local wild bird supplies.

I was just talking to my mom, and her one complaint about a feeder was the "messiness" of them. I have four feeders (ok, so now you know), and they rank from neat and tidy to extremely messy. Neat and tidy-the "Best-1" hummingbird feeder. It's like an upside down jar with a plastic base for the hummingbirds to feed. 

The original "Best-1" feeder was a quart sized jar, which was frustrating for me the first year I used it. Who has SO MANY hummingbirds that they go through 32 ounces of sugar water in 3-7 days? You are supposed to clean and refresh the sugar water once to twice a week, so I made tons of sugar water, did not swap it out often enough, and ended up with ants and black mold in my feeder. Finally, I put it in the dishwasher, and hid it in the back of a cabinet-chalking it up to the fact that hummingbirds "weren't my thang".  

This year, I found the EIGHT OUNCE (not 32) "Best-1" feeder. It's super cheap, and I have instant boiling water at my sink, so making the sugar water is easy for me. The ration is 1/4 cup sugar to 1 cup water. I just fill a mason jar (small) 1/4 full of sugar,and then a little boiling water to get the sugar melted, then the rest of the way with water. I pour some of this into the feeder, and keep the rest of this (labelled), in the fridge. Ahh, the smallness of it, and the light weight make this one a keeper!  I tried the beautiful glass feeders, but the hummers did not seem to like them as much and they leaked…. Hummingbirds are fun to watch, and there is no seed on the ground when they finish. It's a tiny bird, tiny cheap feeder, and cheap food. If you will notice in my hummingbird photo, I have a plant in the yard that the hummingbirds naturally love, so I put my shepherds crook right in the middle of that planting.

The next favorite feeder is the Goldfinch Feeder. Nyjer seed is the seed of choice for these birds. Make sure they (goldfinches), are in native to your area, and prepare to wait a couple of weeks before you get your first bird. Goldfinches love coneflowers (Echinacea), so you can plant a couple near your feeder, but the best part is you won't be getting doves, crows, squirrels (i've never gotten squirrels on this feeder), and other undesirable, messy, big birds. Also, the seed does not need to be "cracked", they just consume the seed when they poke their beak through the wire. As you can see by the photo, I'm starting to get some (finally). My finch feeder has been hanging in that spot for about a week and a half. Well…not exactly in that spot. I've moved it four times. But in the general vicinity-

If you are going to get normal bird food-just a big bag of mixed seed, get ready for mess, and squirrels. For some reason, I finally got the right balance this summer. I got a four foot long "crook" with a hook on two ends and hung my "general" feeder from the crook and hung the crook on a branch that was not too near other branches. The thing is so tall and long, the squirrels seem to instinctively know, they will never be able to get to this feeder, so they just eat feeder "droppings" underneath. I've bought several "squirrel proof" feeders, but this little trick has worked better than any of the squirrel proof feeders, and I found a lovely extra large capacity general feeder (again from the Aspects brand), that is gorgeous, and now squirrel proof with my long "string". I originally thought of string or wire, but then the feed store (always so handy with answers), had this crook thing in several sizes-all under $10 each, which I will save that in not feeding squirrels for one summer.

My final feeder is a one foot square platform tray. I also have this hanging from a Shepherds Crook (just happened to have these on hand), and every bird in the area comes for a daily feeding frenzy. It's the messiest, yet most filled with life and quickly (only wait 5 minutes after hanging this one up, and you will have birds. Once I run out of my Costco bag of birdseed, I will probably put this one in storage, but for now, watching 20 doves try to crowd onto the platform and the Shepherds Crook almost crash to the ground is amazingly entertaining for our five kids, so we live in a sort of bird paradise/Spring jungle party state of mind, and I like it.